Staying Connected

So many times over the years technology has robbed me of time with my boys.  I have spent hours through out their childhood arguing over time spent on the computer, on video games, and on their phones.  I placed strict regulations on their time spent with all of these things during their teen years.  I tried to be a responsible parent by making rules for time they could spend surfing the web, what sites they may visit, finding programs that police the web and what they can see, and overseeing computer relationships.  I have given them other options like books, board games, card games, time outside and limited TV time.

Now for the reality when they got into the later years in high school and during college, all of that flushed straight down the nearest toilet and it flushed fast!!!  The innovation of the smart phone has given our kids the ability to be online, playing games, be in contact with people all over the world, texting, Facebooking, Snapchatting, Tweeting all within seconds without you even knowing they are doing it.  It is the double-edged sword of having the ability to stay in touch with your kids when you need to and exposing them to this BIG world.  I am no expert in giving an educated opinion on when and how to allow your kids to have smart phones but as a mother who has raised three boys I have experience from going through a time with limited technology to one of not being able to survive without it.

We bought our first computer when I was pregnant with my third son.  I saw the way I could waste a great deal of time on the computer, however then it was because it was dial up internet connections and that could take an incredible amount of time.  Now some 18 years later we own five computers, not one desktop, and five smart phones.  We can be in touch in a matter of seconds, which means mom or dad text and they return the text when and how they want.  However, you may receive multiple snap chats from one child, some being ones you wished you had never seen i.e. your son at a festival in Spain twerking at a group of girls who are laughing excessively.  It is amazing how technology has changed our world and our accessibility.

Now when I visit my mother in rural North Carolina I become extremely frustrated that she doesn’t have internet access.  I don’t know have the ability to check my Facebook wall and notifications anytime I want, which is frequent.  I do have my smart phone to check emails and Facebook but it isn’t as easy as opening my laptop and clicking on my Google Chrome and opening my Gmail and Facebook.  I am spoiled, yes I know!!!  I have become what I never wanted my children to become, needing the internet whenever I wanted!  All those hours I spent policing them only to succumb to the powerful draw of the beast.

Still I have suggestions for you while raising kids in the age of technology.

1.   ALWAYS protect your children from the evil that lies behind the click of a cursor.  There are evil people out there ready to pounce on children who are unmonitored.  Don’t let your child be a victim.

2.   ALWAYS protect the innocent of your children.  Use the programs that will block inappropriate websites.  Yes they will one day find a way around it, yes they will be exposed in social settings.  But while you can protect their innocence in this world that seems to want to expose our children earlier and earlier to the sexual experiences of life.

3.   Give them alternatives to sitting on the computer or on a couch with a smart phone on Snapchat, Twitter, Facebook or whatever the most current time suck of the moment.  Play board games or cards, go for hikes, go biking, play a game outside anything that will distract them from those time sucks.

4.   Don’t allow phones at the table while eating.  That includes YOU.  No business matter, friend or family is more important than the conversation with your children and or spouse.

5.   Never allow your phone or computer to delay you in responding to your child or spouse.  If you are asked a question don’t delay for more than a few seconds.  Give them your undivided attention.  Put it down, close the laptop or turn away from the desktop and look at them eye to eye.  This includes your spouse, your children are watching.  If you don’t give your spouse your undivided attention your children will learn it is not important.

Now I am praying that I have enough bars on my iPhone connection to use my HotSpot while in the middle of nowhere at my mama’s house where there is no internet, wireless or wired, to post this blog!

Passion...

I have been asked many times what my passion in life is and I immediately answer Jesus and my family.  For half of my life raising my children has been a huge passion.  I read books and articles, watched interviews and how to shows, and sought advice from mom mentors on how to raise my children the best I could and I prayed.  I prayed that I wouldn't mess up too much and that they would grow to be independent men.  I messed up a lot but I know they are all three growing into independent men.  Sometimes I question why didn't I raise mama's boys that never want to leave home???  My boys love me but have no desire to stay home and not pursue their dreams!  Yes they do visit and call for help but around 16 when they get their drivers license there is a gradual separation from parents and in to independence that happens.  Usually by the time they go to college they have been partly MIA in your life so it isn't as drastic as if they left at 12 when you were their everything.

Now that my youngest is a rising Senior I have had some trouble with knowing What's Next for ME!!!!  When I talk to people about it they immediately go to the 'don't be a domineering mom', 'do you not want them to become men?', 'They have to grow up and move on.'  They are SOOOO missing my point.  I do want my children to grow up and move on, but what does that mean for me.  The guilt of the excitement to focus more on my hubby and our relationship to the deep sadness of the boys being out of the house can be a minute by minute occurrence.

Recently I have a better grasp on what it is I am having so much trouble with, my passion.  For 24 years my passion has been my boys, and of course I would say my husband but there was a time when he wasn't my focus.  As I sit here and think about what will my passion be now I find myself without an answer.  So when you don't have an answer where do you go?  Google!!!!  Here is a little of what I found when I Googled 'How to find your Passion'.  There are 3 steps to Passion, Get Unstuck, How to Recognize Passion and many more.  There were some good ideas then some that confused me.  Find a Hobby, like my kids were a hobby not a full time, all consuming event for 24 years so far.

So I have come to a list that I will begin to work on to find the new passion and drive in my life!

1. Pray-  Before embarking on anything Pray first, but definitely when you embarking on something as large as the empty nest and all of the emotions that come.  
2. Reconnect with your husband/wife-  Get to know him, he has changed since you were married just as you have, thank GOD!!!!  I do not want to have a relationship with a person who hasn't changed in the past 25+ years.  Date him again, fall in love more, seduce him, whatever it is that you would do to rekindle that passion you had for him when you were in the beginnings of your relationship.
3. Make a bucket list-  Not a list of things to do before you die, but a list of the many things you have put on hold while raising the kids.  Those things that you couldn't do with 3 rambunctious boys tagging along.  Things that you can do spontaneously without having to make sure everyone is taken care of before you can leave and NEED to return because of some 'emergency'.
4. Give & Serve-  Begin to give of your gifts and talents to those who need someone like you.  Give financially if it is only $10, buy someone's coffee behind you at the coffee shop, pay for a couple who are dining near you.  Give of your time, spend time with organizations that you find interesting and are doing good things for people in need.  Serving others is a great way to get you out of your own way!  It also can spark a passion that you may have never known before.
5. Get Uncomfortable-  We will never accomplish the purpose and passion in our lives if we do the same old thing day in and day out.  Do something new, out of your comfort zone.  Get to know new people, invite them over for dinner.  Try a dance class, or learn a new language.  Go to a foreign country on a mission trip.  Just do something new and out of the ordinary for you.

These are the things that I am challenging myself with over the next year to find the new passion for my future ME!  I am excited about this new adventure, and a bit sad, but I know through it all God will open the doors that I need to enter and close the ones I don't need to enter.  Another season of life...

Preparing for the summer.....

My closet is empty, my suitcase is full and today is the last day of Junior Year for my baby boy.   We are off to spend most of the summer with my hubby while making the rounds for my last summer of tournament baseball with the baby boy.

My husband has been in professional baseball for 27 years, 11 years in the Major Leagues.  For four of those years we lived in the city in which he worked so I didn't have to pack up for an entire summer.  The years he has worked in another city it has meant packing up our clothes and heading to spend the summer with him.  I find myself  looking at my closet and my clothes trying decide what to bring and what to leave.  There is a weight limit on planes or I would just bring everything.  I am not a clothes hound but I do like to have variety!  It is also a chance to take a look at all of your clothes and get rid of things.  I have narrowed down a system over the years that becomes easier year after year.  Here are a few rules to my success at cleaning out the closet.

My Rules of Getting Rid of Clothes
1.  Get a box of construction quality black trash bags, you can't see the clothes after they are in the bag.
2.  Open the closet door wide, no matter the size of the closet.
3.  Leave your emotions and 'awww I love that' outside the closet.
4.  Begin on the left and start getting rid of clothes!
5.  Get Rid of It Rule for clothes...

• if you have not worn it in a year, you won't this year.
• any item that has a hole in it no matter the size of the hole, it cannot and will not be repaired (other than jeans that have been bought that way)
• any shirt with 'pit' stains, no that 'recipe' on Pinterest does NOT work.
• if you need to jump off the roof to get into the pants you really don't want to take that risk.
• anything from high school (no it won't come back in style, and if it does it will look better new)

6.  When the bag is half full tie it up and put it in the car to take to a donation site, donate within 24 hours without looking through the bag.
7.  If you have multiples of the same style shirt, simplify...if you have multiples of the same pants, simplify...if you have a certain shoe in multiple colors, simplify (unless they are TOMS, then you are exempt)
8.  If you hesitate, get rid of it!
9.  Vacuum your closet, wipe down the walls, replace broken hangers, replace burnt out bulbs
10.  Step back and enjoy!

Right now my closet looks empty and sparse of clothes...my suitcase looks like an adventure waiting to happen!  Here's to another Season in Baseball and the adventures it brings....and the last summer of travel baseball for the baby boy....adventures for sure.