Now I wait...

Oh how easy to encourage others when they meet anxious times and circumstances in their life. "God will lead you, lean on him." "He is in control." "Stand in His Will." While attending the She Speaks Writers and Speakers Conference a month ago one of the things I most enjoyed was being with like-minded writers and speakers through the anxiousness of presenting our book's one page.

One by one we would enter a room to exit trying to be strong after a quick response of "Build your platform." "Read these three books." "Speaking may be a better route for you."  "Narrow your focus." "I'll be in touch." And many more. A few ladies were asked for their proposals and a few were offered self publishing guidance. In one of the sessions Lysa Terkeurst gave great direction on narrowing your focus and began to pray about my focus.

Having gone in with high expectations many left feeling deflated. However, we all kept our heads up and professed His Will not mine. But truly on the inside some of us bled a little. I know I did. I was hoping to find focus and a plan for the impending empty nest. I am not saying that it was a bad experience, just the opposite, it was humbling and rewarding. I prayed and sought guidance from God, as I had before but with more intensity. I prayed that His path would be clear, not my desires. I prayed for focus.

When I returned home I took time off from writing. (Do writers ever take time off?) It isn't so easy to encourage me when I am alone and deep into my own thoughts. I took time off to pray and yes write, not on my book but ideas. God kept nudging me, shoving me in a very focused direction. During the past few weeks God pressed on my heart something He has nudged me with before. He wants me to write about marriage, something I speak about often and have even taught a marriage course with my husband. I decided to get out of God's way and tackle the topic of marriage. Ideas flowed. I bought domain names. I began to build a blog.

I told my prayer warriors who had valiantly prayed for me before the conference that I had put my book on a shelf and would be pursuing my new blog. I had left my hope of publishing that non-fiction in the lobby of the hotel after the conference. I needed to narrow my focus. I knew I was on the right track in what God had called me to write because less than 24 hours after starting the blog it was hacked! The enemy struck in the form of an internet hacker.

After a week of waiting to regain control of my blog I was at peace with the circumstances. It was a time to organize my thoughts and ideas, put a plan together for the outline of the blog and begin writing entries. Then there was an email. When I saw the email I couldn't remember where I had seen the sender's name before. I thought for a moment before opening. The lightbulb in my memory surged into full blown electricity. She is the publisher that said I will be in touch. And now here she was. "I would like to present your proposal to my team." WHAT?!?!?!?! Something like this in the peace of the chaotic moment?

I pondered the changes I should make on the proposal. I prayed. I got two endorsements from authors. I prayed. I wrote the email. I prayed. I attached the proposal. I prayed. I prayed for His Will to be done. I prayed for His purpose to be glorified. I prayed. Then I hit send. My body was shaking, I wanted to vomit!!! And then I prayed for God's hands to be in the mix not mine. I prayed for His abilities to handle this not mine. I found peace. Peace that no matter what anxieties or circumstances, He is with me and His plan will prevail even if I cannot see what lies ahead.

Now I wait. I wait for the next step. I continue to move forward in the calling God has placed on me to write about marriage. But I wait for His guidance in all things. And sit in His peace.